


The New Girlfriend

by DiYunho



Category: DCU, Joker - Fandom, Suicide Squad (2016), The Joker - Fandom, The Joker dcu - Fandom, joker DCU
Genre: Acceptance, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Humor, Angst with a Happy Ending, Comfort/Angst, Declarations Of Love, Denial of Feelings, Difficult Relationship, Established Relationship, Exasperation, Existential Crisis, F/M, Feelings, Feels, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Forgiveness, Fresh Start, Funny, Gotham City - Freeform, Hilarious, Humor, Joker - Freeform, Joker dcu - Freeform, Light Angst, Love, Love/Hate, Mood Swings, New Begining, Past Relationship(s), Relationship(s), Suicide Squad, The Joker Jared Leto, The Joker Suicide Squad, The Joker fanfiction, The Joker imagine, rocky relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-10-01 23:12:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17253176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DiYunho/pseuds/DiYunho
Summary: Every time The Joker has an existential crisis, he gets a new girlfriend for a few days. His way of proving he doesn’t need you…until he does. Loving for two is never easy, but after years of tolerating so much of J’s entitled behavior, The Queen of Gotham is finally reaching her limits.





	The New Girlfriend

**Author's Note:**

> You can also follow me on Tumblr and Wattpad under same blog name: DiYunho.

You and The Joker had a huge fight three days ago so it happened again: he told you you’re history and found this young woman to pose as his girlfriend. Probably someone working at one of the clubs because J sure found her fast. You don’t even pay attention to them, knowing this is nothing more than one of his obnoxious moods.

“Where’s the thing, woman?” he barks at the poor girl and she gets very flustered.

“What thing Mister J?”

“The thing, woman! Are you stupid on top of being deaf?!”

You type super-fast on your laptop, moving money around between accounts The Joker has abroad.

“Catch!” you toss the cell phone to your… well…ex … I guess, and he grabs it midair, annoyed.

“At least somebody knows what I want!” J snarls and you sigh, ignoring his crap.

“I’m so sorry, Mister J,” the young woman apologizes, careful not to piss him off more. Yeah, good luck….

“Shut the hell up!” he raises his voice and goes back to mark different locations on Gotham’s map unfolded all over the desk. After 5 minutes, J growls:

“I need it ! Now!”

“Umm…what would that be, Mister J?” she barely finds the courage to speak up.

“It, woman !!! Are you trying to get on my nerves on purpose?!” J begins his rant and strange enough you feel sorry for the new soul he’s tormenting.

“Catch!” you stop typing for a few seconds, enough to snatch a black marker to toss his way.

He gives the girl such a cold stare she whimpers, scared to death. J grinds his teeth, vexed, returning to his project.

“I want my stuff !” just another demand after scribbling and highlighting all over the chart. If The Joker keeps this up, his “new girlfriend” will soon faint; it sure looks like that to you.

“What…what stuff Mister J?” she cautiously tries to find out, gulping.

“My stuff !!! For God’s sake, you’re useless!!”

“Catch!” you have mercy on her and help once more, throwing the gun in his direction. He catches the weapon and places it in his holster, complaining:

“How come Y/N knows what I need and you don’t?!”

A few years of experience, you think to yourself, typing in a frenzy. That’s why he doesn’t have to actually name what he wants in order for you to guess the correct answer.

But oh boy, the girl has the wrong reply:

“Because Y/N is your girlfriend, sir.”

The Joker takes a deep breath, oxygenating a brain that has only one idea right now: to kill her where she stands.

“Y/N is not my girlfriend; you are!!! Or is it not clear enough for your puny IQ level?!”

Wow, he’s shredding her to pieces. You glance their way, shaking your head.

No way she could handle the King of Gotham even if he came with instructions manual.

Don’t show him weakness you dumb girl, he will take advantage, you hum to yourself again; yet how is she supposed to be aware of such subtleties?

“I’m so sorry,” the repentful, shaky voice whispers.

“Zip it and give me my favorite!” J cracks his shoulders and she’s mortified.

“What…what exactly would that be, Mister J?”

Shit, he’s gonna snap.

“Listen to me and listen well !” his menacing blue eyes glow dark and thank heavens you are there to save the day. “I don’t tolerate…”

“Catch!” you interrupt, tossing a can of grape juice to him and he gets it, mumbling crazy things that make the girl shiver like a leaf.

He takes a few sips from his favorite drink and the next words coming out of his mouth halt your typing:

“Come sit in my lap,” he signals the girl and you sniffle, irritated. “Now give me a kiss!” the order follows and you close your laptop, placing it by you and watch the scene, captivated.

“Umm…would you…would you like a kiss on the lips or on the cheek, Mister J?” the young woman inquires, terrified since you are present also.

You’re not sure if you should laugh or get mad. For some reason though, it rubs you the wrong way.

“J ?” you straighten your back, getting his attention since he’s ignoring you on purpose.

“Yeah?” The Joker stares at the ceiling for a few seconds.

“You know how you get really angry when someone disrespects me?” you snatch your car keys from the couch, prepared to bail.

“Mmm,” which counts as a yes from his part.

“Then why don’t you get very angry at yourself since you are disrespecting me in such a manner right now, hm?!” and you storm out of the main room at the hideout near the mall, leaving J momentarily speechless, stupefied at your tirade.

*******************

You don’t even know when you got at your apartment, enraged at his behavior and fed up with all the nonsense you’ve been dealing with for years.

The doorbell resonates in the silence and you know exactly who it is.

“Hey, Frost!” you frown, opening the door so he can come in.

“Hey, Y/N.”

“He sent you to kill me?”

“Yep,” Jonny adjust his tie, nervous and not wanting to be here.

“Again?!” the ironic remark makes him huff:

“Ughhh, yes. I’m just waiting for Mister J to cancel the order like he always does.”

“Why don’t you kill me?” you flare your arms around, taking your frustration on him.

“I wouldn’t dare,” he tries to calm you down since he hates being in the middle of the fights all the time. “Boss always changes his mind.”

“He didn’t yet!” you poke Frost’s chest, more and more upset. “So do it!” you shout.”Make his wish come true! Why would you disobey him? Do it !”  
Frost’s cell alerts of a new message. He takes it out of the pocket and shows you the text he got from the green haired devil: “ABORT MISSION, DON’T KILL HER YOU IDIOT !!! SHE BETTER NOT BE DEAD OR YOU’RE DEAD TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

You bite your lips, tears of exasperation threatening to roll down your face.

“I’m so sick of him…” you utter, heading towards the kitchen.

Frost is accustomed with the drama: he’s surprised you stick by J with the ongoing problems he mostly creates due to the overbearing necessity of creating chaos in his life.

“I’m making pizza; you want some?” you address him, realizing he is not at fault.

“Might as well,” the offer is fastly accepted.

“I’m watching a movie also.”

“Cool, pizza and a movie,” Jonny takes of his jacket, making himself at home like he always does when he visits.

**************

Frost left a couple of hours ago and you went to bed, reading and trying to relax.

Your cell phone vibrates. Great, text from J:

“Where are my Batsy socks?”

Seriously?! He has such a nerve.

You text back: “Ask your girlfriend.”

Another text:

“How dare you?! I know I have 20 pairs! Where are they?”

He’s so inconsiderate and rude.

“At my apartment,” you reply and almost drop the cell, that’s how worked up you are.

No more messages after this one. Awesome.

Half an hour passes by and your serenity is disturbed by a shy knock at the entrance.

You drag your feet on the fluffy rugs, taking your sweeeeet time. You finally open the door and The Joker’s “new girlfriend” stands there.

“Hi…I’m so sorry to disturb you, but he sent me for socks,” she timidly blinks, completely lost and afraid of what you might do.

“Come in,” you roll your eyes, aiming to dispose of her presence as soon as possible.

She closes the door behind her and… starts bawling her eyes out.

“Why are you crying?” you crinkle your nose, puzzled.

“Can you please take him back?” the girl wipes her nose, not being able to stop crying.

“Take who back? J ?”

“Yes, can you please take him back? I’m so scared of him!” and she leans forward, terrified of your reaction towards her confession. But she is so desperate she doesn’t know what to do.

“I don’t want him back, I’m happy I got rid of him !” you chuckle, enjoying her misery.

Welcome to The Joker’s world.

“What am I going to do?” the sobbing intensifies and you smack your lips, cutting her some slack.

“How old are you?” you offer her tissue to clean herself up.

“Almost 22,” she blows her nose, continuing to bawl.

“Ha! He could be your dad !” you snort, amused. “Do you work for us?”

“Y-yes, at Savage club. “

Your suspicion is confirmed.

“And he reduced you to this state in only 3 days?” the interrogation continues.

“I don’t know what Mister J wants or likes, he hates me and… and I don’t want to be his girlfriend. He just told me I’m his new woman and I had no say in it.”

“You have quite the balls to tell me all this,” you walk back to your bedroom, opening the closet and searching for his Batsy socks. The young woman follows you like a lost puppy.

“He… he made me sleep on the floor,” more heartbreak comes your way. “Mister J told me the bed is only for his Queen. And before he sent me here…” and her voice cracks, “…he told me to get naked. I took my top off and he got very mad, threw his cane at me and told me to disappear.”

Your lift your eyebrows up, shoving socks is a bag and glancing her way. You can see part of her bra strap-it’s black. J likes purple lingerie, other color ONLY when he asks for it. Of course she doesn’t know. How could she?

“I’ll take this back to him,” you decide on a whim and the girl finally stops crying, full of hope.

“You will?”

“Yes, so get lost. You shouldn’t be around for what’s coming next, it won’t be pleasant.”

***************

You make sure the keys are in contact before exiting the car. The Joker is at his cabin on the northern side of Sherwood Forest.

“What an honor,” he mutters when you appear in the living room. He’s crabby, watching the fireplace. Even if it’s summer, he likes to see the wood burn.

“I brought you the Batsy socks,” you place the bag containing the requested items by the table.

“So sweet of you,” The Joker sucks on his silver teeth and gets up, coming towards you. You step towards him too, closing the gap between the two bodies.

“Did you work out this morning?” the seductive tone and batting eyelashes make him groan.

“I did.”

“I can tell,” you gently walk your fingers on his exposed arms since he’s wearing a t-shirt and some grey pants. “You look so sexy,” you wink and reach to peck his lips. He suddenly turns you around, roughly feeling your curves up and down.

“Can’t stay away from me, hm?” and he cups your breasts, biting your neck while you moan, caressing his thighs.

“No…” the answer pleases him and he pushes you against the wall, lifting your dress and searching for the underwear.

J pants louder once he rips your panties.

“God, I really love your long legs,” he mutters in your ear, “especially when they are tight around my waist.”

You moan like crazy, adding some extra to it and turn around to face him again, pushing him towards the couch and kissing him like you didn’t see him in forever. That makes him ever more excited; you can tell by sensing his body’s response to yours.

He lets himself go on the pillows covering the couch, groping your butt when you land on top of him. Your fingers travel down his crotch, unzipping his pants The Joker takes his t-shirt off, purring.

“Mmm, yuuummm,” you lick your lips and slide down his chest, covering him in kisses, lingering around his pelvis and nipping at the soft skin. “I didn’t have you in a few days, I missed you,” you smile and he tugs on your hair, getting harder.

J closes his eyes, growling, more and more sensitive to your touch.

“You want me Daddy?” you pull down on his boxers painfully slow.

“…Yeah…” the low tone barely makes his out of his mouth: he always gets like this when he’s horny as hell.

“Awww, that’s too bad,” you lift your head up from his lap, changing tune. “Since I’m not your girlfriend anymore, there is nothing I can do for you. Ask that young thing to have sex with you and take care of your needs!!!” you shout and get off him so fast he has trouble processing what’s happening.

“What did you just say?!” J gets on his elbow, trying to recollect himself.

“Do you know how hard it is to love for two? I’m tired of it !” and you fix your messy hair, upset. ”I don’t want you back, do you hear me? I’m breaking up with you!!!” and you rush outside, with him following.

“Get back here right now Y/N!” but you are already in your car, twisting the keys in the contact and driving away.

“Fuck!!!!” J yells, running back inside for the keys to his car.

You take deep breaths, the air conditioning blasting in your face. You squeeze the steering wheel so hard it hurts. There are about 30 miles to the main road so you have to hurry up before he catches up with you; he is already following, honking for you to stop. You accelerate and so does he.

The Joker bumps into your car and you gasp, looking behind.

“What are you doing?!” you scream but he can’t hear you, regaining control of the SUV.

Another crush, this time stronger makes you almost lose direction.

“Are you insane?!!” you yell, distancing a bit from his rampage. He is beyond enraged and switches gears, gaining more speed and smashes in your car, making yours go sideways and hit a tree. The impact is so strong you bump your head on the steering wheel, making you dizzy.

You see him opening the door and he drags you out, slamming you against the car. He starts screaming and his voice goes in and out, can’t even make out what he’s saying. Your vision is cloudy and you try to move but you get pinned against the vehicle again, his fingers digging in your flesh. You notice blood dripping in front of your eyes, probably a cut on the forehead from the impact.

The Joker keeps on shouting and talking and you can’t concentrate on his words.Everything is spinning and you have no choice but to rest your head on his chest, losing consciousness.

****************

You gradually bring your hand to your forehead and notice it’s patched.

“Auuuch…” you grumble and open your eyes, realizing you are being held from behind. You recognize the fireplace so you know you are back to the cabin, apparently recovering on the same couch you spoiled his fun earlier. “Uhh, my head…” you whimper in pain, trying to scoot away.

“No!” J firmly yanks your waist towards him, forcing you to shift so you can face him. He’s sulking, still pissed. “What gives you the right to talk to me like that?!” the lecture begins.

Your eyes get watery, disappointment taking over.

“I don’t know, ask your girlfriend…” you have the nerve to answer.

“I AM asking her!”

You don’t say anything which prompts him to be more of an ass.

“Nobody can love for two, stop talking high and mighty!! You just love for one and that’s it ! I am surprised I didn’t kill you yet, definitely something I have to work on! It will be my favorite project!”

“I’m right here, why don’t you finish your project then?” you wipe a few tears and he brings his blue eyes really close to yours.

“I finish when I want to finish, not when I’m told by others!”

*****************

When he woke up in the morning, you were gone. He has a meeting at 1pm and you texted you’ll be there. As soon as he enters his office at the hideout, the woman organizing maps on his desk jumps when his voice echoes:

“Who the hell are you?!”

You turn around and his mouth opens in amazement: your hair is cut in a very short pixie style, dark blue, not long and black anymore. Your makeup is different also: smokey eyes and red lips, you are completely changed.

“Wha…what did you do to yourself?!” he sniffles the air around, intrigued.

“Nothing. I am your new girlfriend, that’s all.”

“Huh?”

“I’m the new girlfriend,” you repeat, returning to your stuff.

The Joker is still debating on the transformation, but sits down at his desk, watching you like a hawk.

“Come sit on my lap,” he sighs and you fumble around with more papers. “I said come sit on my goddamn lap!!”

You obey and stare straight ahead, not at him. He does the same; the atmosphere is tense: two feisty cats ready to get into a brawl.

“Now give me a kiss!” he spits out and you imitate the young girl’s voice the best way you can:

“Would you like a kiss on the lips or on the cheek, Mister J?”

“Pfftt,” he puffs,” take your pick!”

You kiss his lips and him trying to care makes you cringe:

“How’s your forehead?”

“Fine,” you pout, unbuttoning one more button from his shirt.

“Darren should arrive at any moment, go fetch me some grape juice, would you Pumpkin?”

Him trying to be nice makes you wince.

“Be right back,” you step away and he glares after you, enticed, purring to himself.

“Mister J!” Darren interrupts, knocking at the opened door. “I’m here.”

You drop the grape juice can in the other room and since there are no brick walls, just glass, the mobster’s curiosity takes the best out of him and searches for the source of the noise.

You are bent over, lifting the can and the guy of course didn’t recognize you so he has to say it:

“Oh Lord, who’s that? I would love to stick my…”

Darren doesn’t finish his sentence before he is knocked out cold by a very infuriated Joker that keeps on kicking the collapsed body:

“That’s my new girlfriend, you piece of shit! And nobody sticks anything in her besides me!!”

You giggle, pretending you didn’t hear.

At least J seems to like his new girlfriend. Hopefully he won’t mess up like he did with the old one.

Yeah, good luck with that…


End file.
